Stalking for Beginners: A reference guide

Are you finding it seemingly impossible to escape your abusive ex? Are you constantly looking over your shoulder? Then discover what drives stalking, predatory men in this satirical guide.

*** A reference guide for the time-served domestic abuse perpetrator, aspiring to the giddy lows of stalkerdom ***

What is stalking?

“Stalking is one of the most frequently experienced types of abuse – and contrary to common belief, most stalkers are former partners or friends of their victims.” Women’s Aid

Stalking is unwanted contact that is designed directly or indirectly to make another person feel afraid or threatened. It is closely related to harassment and intimidation – and is often seen as a form of violence. Though women can be perpetrators too, females are considerably more likely to be stalked than men.

Do I really want to stalk her?

Jiminy Cricket

Image by Disney: Jiminy Cricket, just an unwelcome insect to the would-be stalker

If you’ve a brain and an ounce of compassion, no. But in your case, the answer is probably yes. Your attempt at the Hoover Manoeuvre failed. You’ve nobody to abuse, and that really sucks. How else to fill the long, lonely hours with just Jiminy Cricket for company? Oh, sorry – forgot you’ve already stomped on him, too.

Anyway… You’re not ready to give up on your headstrong target, are you? After all there’s so much for a determined predator like yourself to gain. Consider the following benefits to stalking:

  1. You feed on power and need to control your woman. You can still get your fix and inflict further trauma.
  2. Stalking is a great way to intimidate a target, and to make sure she continues to live in fear.
  3. It’s flexible enough to fit around you and your needs (rather like your victim should have been, right?).
  4. You get to do all sorts of creepy, weird stuff – without having to even pretend to be normal.

It’s not big and it ain’t clever, but nothing says ‘I’m in control, not you’ like the bone-grinding horror of stalking!

I’m in! Where do I start?

The personal touch

Turn up, unannounced and uninvited, at her home, workplace, local store, the children’s school – anywhere you know she goes regularly. Decide for yourself whether you want to reveal your presence to her, or keep hiding behind that lamp-post. If she sees you, she’ll experience instant fear and you’ll get to see her flight-mode kick into action. If she doesn’t, there are other ways to achieve that same sick satisfaction. Try leaving a cryptic note on the windscreen of her car, or maybe send her a text to let her know what colour sweater she’s wearing.

Choose the right time

When it comes to stalking, there’s no right time to crawl out from under your rock. You are the last person on the planet she wants to see, or hear from – at any time. Stalking activities in the daylight remind her that you are unstable and relentless. Nighttime stalking makes you a walking, talking nightmare. Either way, she won’t feel safe. Your choice, soul-sucker.

Women looking through blinds

Photo by Kelly Hau Photography

Make technology work for you

Maybe (hopefully) she’s changed her phone-number – so you’re getting nowhere with calls and texts. Don’t despair! The online world offers a lifeline to the chilling cyber-stalker. Check out any social media profiles she hasn’t shored up with privacy controls. Work the forums and places she likes to hang-out online. Depending on your approach, you may choose to lurk in the background to gather information – or perhaps you’d rather plaster your presence all over. Particularly sinister, some stalkers impersonate someone else in order to befriend their target online.

Choose the right frequency

As an abuser, you’ll have learned how best to make her afraid. Bombarding her with unwanted contact? Direct threats? Subtle hints? Passionate declarations of love? Weeks of silence followed by a ‘chance’ encounter? The point is to keep her on her toes, destablise any routines, prevent her from getting on with life – generally to make sure that she knows you are still in control. Use your Special Scumbag Sense to pick out the best strategy.

What you hope she doesn’t know about stalking

Switched on targets take active steps to protect themselves. She knows that:

  • She is not responsible for your behaviour. Your dangerous and callous choices are your responsibility. She is not to blame.
  • Directly reacting to stalking is counter-productive. She won’t return your contact – even to tell you where to stick your threats – and she’ll shut down as many avenues of communication as she can.
  • It’s important to maintain a record of all stalking incidents. She’ll be keeping a journal documenting your efforts, and any texts, phonecalls, emails and other messages will all make useful evidence in the case against you.
  • The police are empowered to act to prevent stalking, which is a crime (in the UK, you could face a prison sentence of up to five years).
  • She can apply to the courts for a legal order prohibiting you from contacting her – even if you have children together. Break it, and face jail-time.

Remember: If you choose to turn desperate stalker, this is an extension of domestic abuse – and is treated as such. Your victim may feel intimidated and fearful, and that will probably make you feel good for a while. But you should know that she’s stronger than you. You will lose. Far better then, to just get on with your so-called life, and let her do the same.

Photo by xJasonRogersx

Photo by xJasonRogersx

What advice would you offer to women going through the soul-chilling experience of stalking?

ALSO SEE: What it feels like to be stalked, in The Fear: My stalking abuser is back

© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14
https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com

 

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13 responses to “Stalking for Beginners: A reference guide

  1. This was awesome writing SSS! I, ummm….live 5 houses down the road from my abuser…the backyard of my home backs up to his farm. The stalking really bothered me at first (I am living with my parents, who moved close when I had my 4th child). Now he is as invisible as a pile of nothingness….AoA

    Like

  2. You’re such a great writer. I love the style you tell the story because it’s a bitch when your stalked. I was stalked for 6 yrs., guess he found someone else. It got so bad the guy I was dating would go look under the car before his kids or I could get in. I would not wish the terror on anyone. I tried to send an e-mail and it came back. Let me know if WP is the one or the other. Great story.

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    • Thank you, Looking. I was trying to use a style that’s a bit more engaging than just ‘finger-wagging’.

      I’m so sorry that you went through what you did. Six years is a long time to live like that, but it sounds like you had supportive people around you?

      My email address, by the way, is:avalanche101@outlook.com Please let me know if you still can’t get through.

      Like

  3. Great post! 🙂 My ex-narcissist stalked me for a while – he was actually pretty good at it; I think he was at it for a while before I noticed it. I phoned him and told him I was going to have him charged if he didn’t stop and he did, thanfully.

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  4. I’m glad to have found your blog. This is really well laid out…information I know now and wish I had known years ago…the red flags were all there at the beginning…

    Like

  5. Reblogged this on learning lifes lessons everyday and commented:
    I didnt want to beleive my ex is a stalker but now i think he is ..i have had to turn off my facebook as i have more than 20 profiles blocked all which have been used to contact me as i block one another one pops up .He also has 2 more accounts which have been used to try and add me and close freinds as a freind one which when i blocked changed names and turned chinese overnight which was quite amusing both of these accounts were opened 3 years ago and had no freinds until the last few weeks this came as a shock to me because it means for 3 yeara out of the 4 years we have been together he has used these to spy and stalk mewhich also means he has been paranoid for most of our relationship but didnt show his paranoia until the last 2 years so now i beleive he is what he claimed he would never be in his life A STALKER !

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hi SSS, this is a great read! My advice to sufferers is to remove thoughts of ‘it’ from your mind.. It’s your mind ‘not’ his.. You have ‘control of you’ … not him.. Read articles about ‘control’ and ‘narcicism’ to help you .. Knowledge is power 😃

    Of course protect yourself as best you can without it taking over your life. And enjoy your life and remain proud of yourself for who you are, because to get that ‘control’ the stalker will want you to feel rock bottom. 😟

    Like

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