Are you finding it seemingly impossible to escape your abusive ex? Are you constantly looking over your shoulder? Then discover what drives stalking, predatory men in this satirical guide.
*** A reference guide for the time-served domestic abuse perpetrator, aspiring to the giddy lows of stalkerdom ***
What is stalking?
“Stalking is one of the most frequently experienced types of abuse – and contrary to common belief, most stalkers are former partners or friends of their victims.” Women’s Aid
Stalking is unwanted contact that is designed directly or indirectly to make another person feel afraid or threatened. It is closely related to harassment and intimidation – and is often seen as a form of violence. Though women can be perpetrators too, females are considerably more likely to be stalked than men.
Do I really want to stalk her?
If you’ve a brain and an ounce of compassion, no. But in your case, the answer is probably yes. Your attempt at the Hoover Manoeuvre failed. You’ve nobody to abuse, and that really sucks. How else to fill the long, lonely hours with just Jiminy Cricket for company? Oh, sorry – forgot you’ve already stomped on him, too.
Anyway… You’re not ready to give up on your headstrong target, are you? After all there’s so much for a determined predator like yourself to gain. Consider the following benefits to stalking:
- You feed on power and need to control your woman. You can still get your fix and inflict further trauma.
- Stalking is a great way to intimidate a target, and to make sure she continues to live in fear.
- It’s flexible enough to fit around you and your needs (rather like your victim should have been, right?).
- You get to do all sorts of creepy, weird stuff – without having to even pretend to be normal.
It’s not big and it ain’t clever, but nothing says ‘I’m in control, not you’ like the bone-grinding horror of stalking!
I’m in! Where do I start?
The personal touch
Turn up, unannounced and uninvited, at her home, workplace, local store, the children’s school – anywhere you know she goes regularly. Decide for yourself whether you want to reveal your presence to her, or keep hiding behind that lamp-post. If she sees you, she’ll experience instant fear and you’ll get to see her flight-mode kick into action. If she doesn’t, there are other ways to achieve that same sick satisfaction. Try leaving a cryptic note on the windscreen of her car, or maybe send her a text to let her know what colour sweater she’s wearing.
Choose the right time
When it comes to stalking, there’s no right time to crawl out from under your rock. You are the last person on the planet she wants to see, or hear from – at any time. Stalking activities in the daylight remind her that you are unstable and relentless. Nighttime stalking makes you a walking, talking nightmare. Either way, she won’t feel safe. Your choice, soul-sucker.
Make technology work for you
Maybe (hopefully) she’s changed her phone-number – so you’re getting nowhere with calls and texts. Don’t despair! The online world offers a lifeline to the chilling cyber-stalker. Check out any social media profiles she hasn’t shored up with privacy controls. Work the forums and places she likes to hang-out online. Depending on your approach, you may choose to lurk in the background to gather information – or perhaps you’d rather plaster your presence all over. Particularly sinister, some stalkers impersonate someone else in order to befriend their target online.
Choose the right frequency
As an abuser, you’ll have learned how best to make her afraid. Bombarding her with unwanted contact? Direct threats? Subtle hints? Passionate declarations of love? Weeks of silence followed by a ‘chance’ encounter? The point is to keep her on her toes, destablise any routines, prevent her from getting on with life – generally to make sure that she knows you are still in control. Use your Special Scumbag Sense to pick out the best strategy.
What you hope she doesn’t know about stalking
Switched on targets take active steps to protect themselves. She knows that:
- She is not responsible for your behaviour. Your dangerous and callous choices are your responsibility. She is not to blame.
- Directly reacting to stalking is counter-productive. She won’t return your contact – even to tell you where to stick your threats – and she’ll shut down as many avenues of communication as she can.
- It’s important to maintain a record of all stalking incidents. She’ll be keeping a journal documenting your efforts, and any texts, phonecalls, emails and other messages will all make useful evidence in the case against you.
- The police are empowered to act to prevent stalking, which is a crime (in the UK, you could face a prison sentence of up to five years).
- She can apply to the courts for a legal order prohibiting you from contacting her – even if you have children together. Break it, and face jail-time.
Remember: If you choose to turn desperate stalker, this is an extension of domestic abuse – and is treated as such. Your victim may feel intimidated and fearful, and that will probably make you feel good for a while. But you should know that she’s stronger than you. You will lose. Far better then, to just get on with your so-called life, and let her do the same.
What advice would you offer to women going through the soul-chilling experience of stalking?
ALSO SEE: What it feels like to be stalked, in The Fear: My stalking abuser is back
© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14