Information on disengaging from domestic abuse, permanently.
You are not alone
Are you caught up in domestic abuse or violence? Do you feel alone, and like nobody will believe or understand you? Then know that you are not the only one, and you CAN reach out.
Abuse is NOT your fault. Yes, really
Does your abusive partner start sentences with ‘If you loved me, you’d…’? When she apologises, is she expert in shifting the blame onto something or someone else (usually you)? Then there’s something BIG that you need to know: It’s not your fault.
‘How’ matters more than ‘Why’ in domestic abuse
Do you want to know why your partner is abusive? Are you trying to figure out how to make it stop? Then here are the simple answers to the two biggest questions we grapple with in the black hole of domestic abuse.
Emotional blackmail: suicide threats in abusive relationships
Self-harm and suicide threats are amongst the most terrifying – and effective – manipulation tactics in an abuser’s toolkit. Here’s what happened when I called the bluff of an abusive blackmailer.
Are you ignoring your power?
Domestic abuse conditions us to feel helpless. But, we are more powerful than we often realise – and we can release that power whenever we want.
Reducing your risk on leaving your abuser
Whether you’re set to leave or not quite ready – you can help yourself enormously with a safe exit plan.
Is leaving your abuser worth it?
What is the cost of freedom from domestic abuse? Women weighing-up whether to end an abusive relationship grapple with the (often unspoken) question, is it worth it?
Ready to leave your abuser? Don’t say goodbye
Have you made up your mind to leave your abuser? If you have, congratulations on an important step forward in reclaiming your life. Now, the next decision to take is to NOT tell your abuser yet.
What abusers hope we never learn about trauma bonding
Do you think you can’t leave your abusive partner? Do you feel hopeless when you return to a relationship filled with pain? Or, do you dwell on your toxic ex and struggle to stay away? Then you may be caught in a carefully crafted trauma bond – but you don’t need to be Houdini to escape.
How to execute the perfect ‘Hoover Manoeuvre’
Have you tried to leave your abuser, just to get sucked back in? Are you stunned by the military-like precision with which your abuser tries to get you back? Then check out this tongue-in-cheek exposé on why and how abusers hoover.
Why we stay when we know we shouldn’t
We stay in devastating, abusive relationships for many reasons. Here’s five of the most common motivations, and why they really shouldn’t be.
You are stronger than your abuser
Even when you feel at your weakest, you are STILL stronger than your abuser. You may doubt this from time to time – but guess what? Your abuser knows it.
Feel the fear and leave an abusive relationship anyway
So, you’ve made the decision to leave your abuser. You know that this is the only way to a happy and safe future – but you are anxious, even afraid, of what happens next. Here’s how to feel the fear and do it anyway.
How to beat emotional blackmail
Does your partner threaten to kill himself if you try to leave him? Does he tell you you don’t love him enough? That he just can’t cope without you? Then you may be on the receiving end of emotional blackmail. Here’s my guide to identifying and dealing with one of the most powerful tactics in an abuser’s toolkit.
Staying out of an abusive relationship: An Essential To Do List
My To Do list for anyone seeking to make that final break from an abuser. Some of these things may not be easy, but they have worked for me and I’m glad I did them.
What your abuser doesn’t want you to know
Do you feel unable to leave your abusive partner for good? When you pack your bags and go, does he somehow convince you to go back to him? Do you feel responsible for the wellbeing of your abuser – despite the misery he is causing you? If so, then you’ve already met ‘The Persuader’. And there’s something that he really doesn’t want you to know…
Why he only hurts you when he’s drunk (or high)
Are you convinced that your husband’s drug addiction is the reason he abuses you? Does your remorseful partner earnestly plead, ‘I only hit you when I’m drunk’? Do you struggle to understand why he won’t give up something which causes him to inflict so much hurt on you? Then there are FOUR FACTS that you need to know, right now.
Mothers: Two big reasons to leave
Ever wondered why your abusive partner pestered you for a baby? Why he wants to keep you constantly pregnant? Why he wants more children, even though he isn’t that bothered about the ones you already have?
© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14