You are Titanium – and so are your kids

“Domestic violence is in my DNA,” says Jahméne Douglas, whose Titanium music video depicts the impact of violence against women. His story highlights the amazing strength of which child survivors of domestic violence are capable.

If you’re not British, you may not have heard about Jahméne Douglas. But there’s a great reason to find out more about this X Factor runner-up.

“Nightmares upon nightmares build up from nights of those screams.”

The pop star has talked candidly about his childhood, during which he, his siblings and his mother were violently and horrifically abused by his father. Jahméne witnessed his mother being tortured with a blowtorch, and was himself beaten, strangled, and had a knife stuck under his nails to ‘encourage’ him to stop biting them.

“The one thing that will stick with me until the day I die is my mother’s screams,” he said in an interview with Cosmopolitan. “Hearing her scream for her life but being paralysed with fear, unable to move one muscle.

“We were under such an evil lock down of control that you wouldn’t dare move in case one action resulted in something much worse. Nightmares upon nightmares build up from nights of those screams.

“It’s one of those things that can’t be fully described to the extremity of what it exactly is… you have to feel it to know it and to know what needs to be changed to help others. Domestic violence is in my DNA, it’s in who I am. I’d rather be beaten myself than ever hear those screams again.”

Jahméne tried to take his own life at 15, and several years later suffered the tragic loss of his elder brother to suicide.

Love is stronger than abuse

Photo by reuben4eva

Photo by reuben4eva

Despite his suffering, Jahméne remains very close to his mother, whom he describes as “a saint.” His success and his love for her is a shining light for survivors tormented by anxiety or guilt about the legacy of abuse.

“She would go to hell and back to watch over her children to know that they are okay. I honestly believe I would not have survived to be here today if it was not for my mother. A lot of the things I sing are in dedication to my mother… she’s an absolute source of unconditional love and never ending strength.”

A voice that deserves to be heard

As domestic abuse survivors, we get used to hearing that we are useless, weak, and bad mothers. We hear it not just from our abusers, but sometimes also from a legal system that fails to understand the dynamics of abuse – and also from people who intend to help us.

We are bashed around the head by a music industry that glamourises and sanctions violence against women. Our music stars talk about slapping b**ches and abusive Chris Brown-types reap wealth and fame rather than condemnation and shame.

Today, Jahméne is an ambassador for UK charity Women’s Aid, and campaigns against domestic abuse in all of its forms. He is living proof that there is always hope, and a bright future is possible after abuse. We need more young ambassadors like Jahméne Douglas.

REMEMBER:
You are stronger than you may sometimes feel. You are titanium. And your kids have that in them, too.

Photo by xJasonRogersx

Photo by xJasonRogersx

What do you think? Have your children demonstrated wisdom, understanding, and strength? Do we need more young ambassadors raising awareness of domestic abuse?

ALSO SEE: How abusers use children to extend their control over us, in Mothers: Two big reasons to leave.

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© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14
https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com

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14 responses to “You are Titanium – and so are your kids

  1. I am so happy for Jahmene’s success. He is certainly, as you say, a voice to be heard. There’s so much fluff out there but what this world needs is more Jahmenes. Thanks for posting such a meaningful post 🙂
    My past job took me to shelters for women who were seeking refuge from domestic violence. it was so sad to hear some of the woman state that such a relationship was better than being alone. These women must have been so very hurt and lonely.

    Like

    • Thank you Carol. I really hope in future to hear more voices like this.

      So interesting that you should add that you’ve heard women say that it is better to be abused than alone. I think most survivors feel that way at some point – largely because we’re conditioned to feel fiercely attached to our abuser. It is deeply hurtful and lonely indeed.

      Like

  2. I do believe our children are exactly that. A new generation of advocates for the abused. I recently had a meltdown of sorts, my daughter saw my pain that I was desperately trying to hide from her and she just leans in, gives me a big hug and said “I love you to the end” and kissed my tears. My children are the very reason I am alive and here today. My son regularly asks me if I need anything and tells me how much he loves me. He asks every day, “how many views did “we” get today mom?”
    Thank you for this post.
    Both of my children enjoyed it and I they were believe strengthened by it. 🙂

    Like

      • Of course I think they are. 🙂 They are old souls already. Diamonds in the rough,(hence the diamond header). I am grateful and blessed to have them such a strong presence in my life.

        Like

      • 🙂 My two oldest are grown and gone and suffering from PTSD. And in denial about it. One of which, my oldest daughter, hates me. But I wait for her, and one day we will be together in heart again.
        I couldn’t find 5 diamonds together that would fit my header. We are all diamonds flaws and all. Maybe I’ll make up a diamond award. Who knows.
        Thanks again Triple S.

        Like

      • I was inspired by Americana Injustica. I don’t know if you’ve seen her site, but she is truly a “sister-survivor” (I got that phrase from Tela Hill).

        I’m not sure how to do it, but if I figure it out I will definitely try it out.

        Thanks Triple S

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you. I love this reassurance that children our children will be able to survive & thrive despite abuse. I pray we teach young people parenting & coping skills & provide the counseling everyone deserves. Expression is essential & blogging is a blessing.

    Like

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