Photo by Wetsun
Today, I received a major shock to the system. My ex – who is subject to a restraining order – was spotted by a friend loitering close to my home. He lives (as far as I now know) many miles away and I can imagine no reason why he would be in the area – unless it is to see or check up on me.
When she told me my legs turned to lead. Everything came flashing back. After more than a month without seeing or hearing from him (thank God!) I’ve been catapulted back to the Land of Fear.
I am afraid to take my baby for a walk in case he makes good on his threat to snatch the little one. I am afraid to let my family members take the baby out, too.
I am afraid to be at home – even though I have an emergency alarm that connects straight to the local police station – and continually check and re-check that all the doors and windows are locked. I am afraid to go out – especially to my favourite places – in case I see him.
I am afraid to sleep, in case this is the night I get that dreaded knock at the door. I am afraid to be awake: jumping at every noise and desperately hoping that when I look out of the window I won’t see his silhouette in the streetlight. My mobile phone has become my enemy again – I’m watching it, waiting for the incessant trill of his calls.
Photo by edans
It is devastating because I have spent so long pulling myself up by my boot-straps, trying to make myself comfortable in my own skin again. Yet, even though I thank my lucky stars for every day that I am away from him, he still has the power to make me afraid. He is still a pervasive, disturbing force in my life.
Who knows how many times he has been lurking, watching – that he was spotted the one and only time he was in the area seems too big a coincidence.
I’m back where I started, but worse. Now, I know that he hasn’t gone away. Even the possibility of being arrested yet again isn’t deterring him. He hasn’t given up. Unlike me, he is not afraid.
© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14 https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com
Avalanche of the soul 
Be careful, stay strong and don’t let this control your life. Are you based in the U.K? The laws on stalking have become more severe and tougher in recent years. Call the police if you are worried about anything. Thinking of you and always here, Ros x
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Thanks for your kind words Ros. Yes I’m in the UK and the police have been great throughout, I’m pleased to say. Getting them involved was the best thing I could have done, and I’d recommend it to anyone in a similar position as they can do a lot to make you feel more secure. Shame they can’t do much about the psychological impact! x
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I understand. Been there myself. Be sure to journal everything, and call the police – document everything. Ask friends and neighbors to watch out for you too, having a witness goes a long way in court. I have lived through this twice. You will make it.
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Thanks dianarasmussen – I will do that. Just hope this isn’t the start of the rollercoaster-ride again 😦
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Really, really good advice. Thank you.
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Thinking of you tonight and praying too.
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Thank you, Debbie.
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I totally understand that fear. I have been there. I will be praying for you!!
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Thank you secretangel. The police are involved again now as he has since tried to make contact – just praying he leaves me alone x
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Amen… May God bless you and protect you my friend!
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I hope since this post there have been no more sightings.
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Thanks for posting. Unfortunately, after this he went on to make direct contact with me. He was arrested, again. And then, after a brief lull, he did exactly the same thing once more. He still won’t leave me in peace, and I’m still stuck on the rollercoaster 😦
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Are you able to go somewhere he cannot find you?
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I would have to leave my support network behind and with a young baby and a job that would be almost impossible. I don’t want to have him force me to lose absolutely everything. I’ll do it though, if it comes to it.
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I know you are but just be very alert. I’m glad you have a good support network and that the police have been helpful to you. Once you feel your safety has gone out the window don’t wait. Be cautious.
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