Here’s my blanket response to the depressingly self-righteous trolls that find their way to this site. I’m nearly as tired of repeating myself as I am fed up with reading their pointless comments. Domestic violence is a gendered issue: stop pretending it’s not.
A website dealing with domestic violence was certain to attract trolls. Their comments are unsurprising in their irrelevance, ignorance, and uniformity and typically look like this:
- “Why is it always ‘he’ with you feminists?” Do you understand what feminism is?
- Men are victims too! I never said they weren’t.
- My girlfriend is convinced I’m abusive, thanks to sites like this. Have you considered the possibility that you actually are?
I usually allow their mini-tirades on the site because hey, I enjoy a laugh as much as anyone else. But I’m tired of repeating myself now. So, for the men getting all bent out of shape because I routinely use ‘he’ when referring to a perpetrator, and ‘she’ for the individual on the receiving end, here’s a few things you should know.
The content on this site is focused almost exclusively on females. I use gendered language because I write primarily for females, and because domestic violence – whether keyboard warriors want to accept it or not – is a gendered issue:
- An average of 30 per cent of women report that they have experienced some form of physical or sexual violence by their partner (World Health Organization, 2014)
- The vast majority of domestic violence perpetrators are men (Women’s Aid, 2015)
- Domestic violence is a deeply gendered issue (Refuge, 2015)
- Men are significantly more likely to use physical violence, threats and harassment (Hester, 2009)
However, whilst men make up the minority of victims, they have an equal right to live free from domestic violence. This site isn’t aimed at men but they can and do find useful information on these pages. Males share their stories and they seek advice, and are welcomed here. Articles on this site have also been linked to and re-blogged by LGBT outlets, seeking to raise awareness of domestic violence in same sex relationships.
I don’t hate men. I love men. My father is a man, my brother is a man, and my son will God willing grow into a man. There’s a difference between the men in my life, and the abusive specimens described on this site. For such men, I feel contempt and sometimes even pity. Such men should come with a permanent health warning, for they devastate lives. Such men are not, in fact, men at all.
Is that why you are trolling domestic violence websites? Perhaps you’re feeling jittery because your partner has determined that you are abusive? If so, sites like this are not to blame. I aim to help women recognise and escape abuse. Stop attempting to shift responsibility and take a hard and honest look at yourself. I don’t hate men. Why do you hate women?