How to blackmail someone into sex, tips on carrying out domestic abuse, and insights into the abusive mentality – some of the searches that bring visitors to my blog make my blood run cold, and it’s not even Halloween yet.
Thousands of people visit Avalanche of the Soul every month, and – like most bloggers – I am fascinated by the search terms that bring folk to my blog. Mostly, the searches are for things I’d expect, and I’m thankful that people looking for support and information are able to find my site. As someone who has been through and escaped two abusive relationships, I feel a great sense of personal responsibility for those who read my blog. I know that even words on a website can be make or break when we are at our most vulnerable.
However, sometimes the search terms make me want to reach into my screen and speak personally to the person who wrote it. Here are just a few.
* Note: I see the search terms, but (thankfully) not any information that could be used to identify visitors.
1. ‘Things to say to blackmail my gf into sex’
Why would you even want to? Are you so devoid of empathy, so soulless, that you would want to compel someone to have sex with you when they don’t want to? If you are seeking to blackmail somebody to do anything, then you know that it is against their will.
Get off my blog and think very hard indeed about why on earth you see emotional blackmail as anything short of emotional violence. I’m certain that you don’t care, but just for the record, here is a typical definition of rape:
2. ‘How to blackmail somebody emotionally’
See above. Oh, and I’d be really pleased if you didn’t bother coming back to my site also.
3. ‘Can I fix my abusive husband?’
There’s a short answer to this, and you won’t like it. The answer is an resounding ‘No’. Virtually without exception, everyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship has asked this question. But if you are trawling my blog looking for strategies to fix your abuser, you are in the wrong place.
There are a host of other sites that will urge forgiveness, marriage counseling, rehab, whatever. In my view, such advice – however well-intentioned – is hugely dangerous. There is no way you can fix an abusive individual. If – and it is a big ‘if’ – they are to change, they must themselves take responsibility for their abuse and seek help. Few ever do.
4. ‘Abuse stuff to break her spirit’
Are you for real? You’re searching for How To Tips on a resource for people going through domestic abuse? I hope you read something on here that made you rethink your so-called values and realise the damage caused by emotional and physical violence. If not… Just Go Away.
5. ‘Why domestic violence should not be a crime’
Domestic violence is a crime, and for good reason. Don’t believe me? Then check out the real stories on my blog to understand the pain and devastation it causes. And, I’ll go one further – I also believe that emotional abuse (specifically, coercive control) should be a criminal offence too. Most survivors say that psychological cruelty can be worse even than physical violence.
6. ‘Learn to get into narcissist abuser’s head’
Trust me, you don’t want to get into their head. It’s not a nice place to be. Narcissists are not people that you can understand, or that you want to relate to. Check out my post on my own Über Narcissist and batten down the hatches. Understanding how narcissists think will not help you. The only thing that will is to run away, as fast and as far as you can.
7. ‘Narcissist has sex with you even while you were blacked out but didn’t drink that much’
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. If someone has sex with you while you are unconscious – whatever the reason – it is rape. Please contact the police. Or, if you are not ready to do that – please confide in a trusted family member, friend, or rape counselling service in your area. Please.
8. ‘I did gaslighting’
Gaslighting is a deliberate and sustained attempt to cause another person to doubt their own judgement or sanity. Otherwise known as ‘ambient abuse’, this tactic is used by abusers to extend, consolidate and maintain their control over a significant other. If you are doing this, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself to understand why you are so insecure, selfish and without compassion. And please, please, please, don’t do this ever again.
9. ‘My narcissist boyfriend said lets make a baby on second date’
Woah. Even for a well-seasoned narcissistic love-bomber, that’s fast! He is trying to reel you in by telling you what he imagines you want to hear. He does that because the sooner you fall for him, the sooner he can relax in the knowledge that his narcisstic supply is secure. If you haven’t hit the exit already, proceed with extreme caution.
What have you heard that makes the alarm bells sound or your blood run cold? Do you agree with my replies, or do you have something else to say? Share in the comments.
© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14