9 search terms to make your blood run cold

How to blackmail someone into sex, tips on carrying out domestic abuse, and insights into the abusive mentality – some of the searches that bring visitors to my blog make my blood run cold, and it’s not even Halloween yet.

Thousands of people visit Avalanche of the Soul every month, and – like most  bloggers – I am fascinated by the search terms that bring folk to my blog. Mostly, the searches are for things I’d expect, and I’m thankful that people looking for support and information are able to find my site. As someone who has been through and escaped two abusive relationships, I feel a great sense of personal responsibility for those who read my blog. I know that even words on a website can be make or break when we are at our most vulnerable.

However, sometimes the search terms make me want to reach into my screen and speak personally to the person who wrote it. Here are just a few.

* Note: I see the search terms, but (thankfully) not any information that could be used to identify visitors.

1. ‘Things to say to blackmail my gf into sex’

Why would you even want to? Are you so devoid of empathy, so soulless, that you would want to compel someone to have sex with you when they don’t want to? If you are seeking to blackmail somebody to do anything, then you know that it is against their will.

Get off my blog and think very hard indeed about why on earth you see emotional blackmail as anything short of emotional violence. I’m certain that you don’t care, but just for the record, here is a typical definition of rape:

Rape: the unlawful compelling of a person through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse.

2. ‘How to blackmail somebody emotionally’

See above. Oh, and I’d be really pleased if you didn’t bother coming back to my site also.

3. ‘Can I fix my abusive husband?’

There’s a short answer to this, and you won’t like it. The answer is an resounding ‘No’. Virtually without exception, everyone who has ever been in an abusive relationship has asked this question. But if you are trawling my blog looking for strategies to fix your abuser, you are in the wrong place.

There are a host of other sites that will urge forgiveness, marriage counseling, rehab, whatever. In my view, such advice – however well-intentioned – is hugely dangerous. There is no way you can fix an abusive individual. If – and it is a big ‘if’ – they are to change, they must themselves take responsibility for their abuse and seek help. Few ever do.

Original image by THOR

Original image by THOR

4. ‘Abuse stuff to break her spirit’

Are you for real? You’re searching for How To Tips on a resource for people going through domestic abuse? I hope you read something on here that made you rethink your so-called values and realise the damage caused by emotional and physical violence. If not… Just Go Away.

5. ‘Why domestic violence should not be a crime’

Domestic violence is a crime, and for good reason. Don’t believe me? Then check out the real stories on my blog to understand the pain and devastation it causes. And, I’ll go one further – I also believe that emotional abuse (specifically, coercive control) should be a criminal offence too. Most survivors say that psychological cruelty can be worse even than physical violence.

6. ‘Learn to get into narcissist abuser’s head’

Trust me, you don’t want to get into their head. It’s not a nice place to be. Narcissists are not people that you can understand, or that you want to relate to. Check out my post on my own Über Narcissist and batten down the hatches. Understanding how narcissists think will not help you. The only thing that will is to run away, as fast and as far as you can.

Photo by Anderson Mancini

Photo by Anderson Mancini

7. ‘Narcissist has sex with you even while you were blacked out but didn’t drink that much’

I’m so sorry that this happened to you. If someone has sex with you while you are unconscious – whatever the reason – it is rape. Please contact the police. Or, if you are not ready to do that – please confide in a trusted family member, friend, or rape counselling service in your area. Please.

8. ‘I did gaslighting’

Gaslighting is a deliberate and sustained attempt to cause another person to doubt their own judgement or sanity. Otherwise known as ‘ambient abuse’, this tactic is used by abusers to extend, consolidate and maintain their control over a significant other. If you are doing this, you need to take a long, hard look at yourself to understand why you are so insecure, selfish and without compassion. And please, please, please, don’t do this ever again.

9. ‘My narcissist boyfriend said lets make a baby on second date’

Woah. Even for a well-seasoned narcissistic love-bomber, that’s fast! He is trying to reel you in by telling you what he imagines you want to hear. He does that because the sooner you fall for him, the sooner he can relax in the knowledge that his narcisstic supply is secure. If you haven’t hit the exit already, proceed with extreme caution.

Handful of stars

Photo by xJasonRogersx

What have you heard that makes the alarm bells sound or your blood run cold? Do you agree with my replies, or do you have something else to say? Share in the comments.

© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14
https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com

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22 responses to “9 search terms to make your blood run cold

  1. I agree with your replies. This is a fascinating article. Crikey there are some weirdos out there! I wish emotional abuse was a criminal offence. I’ve had to rebuild my life while he gets away believing he did nothing wrong. That’s narcissism for you.

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    • Hi Narrowboat Wife, thank you. There certainly *are* some weirdos out there on the web (and in real life too), and many others on the receiving end of abuse who really need help/ support. Some of these search terms made me want to scream, and other made me feel like crying.

      I’m hopeful though, that emotional abuse will become a criminal offence in the UK. It’d be a HUGE step forward 🙂

      Like

    • I completely agree also, you hit exactly on target – dang there are a lot of narcissists out there, but certainly some are far worse (evidenced by your search terms) than others. I would say the term “soulless” would apply to some of those individuals, based on their search string. After all, haven’t we evolved from animals millions of years ago? Some people (I’m ashamed to say mostly men) are certainly not!
      I almost feel like being a human should have a very minimal licensing test (like a drivers license) to verify some evidence of human qualities, since the nasty people you describe would certainly deserve to have their “human licenses” cancelled, as I don’t think they deserved to be considered “human”, frankly.
      Your insights are VERY helpful, thank you for helping me regain my footings and understand how to set “healthy boundaries” (with an ex-wife).

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dear John

        Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, I’m glad my blog has helped you.

        Your point on a licensing test for humanity made me chuckle 🙂 Even now, having lived with two abusive individuals, I’m still surprised at how monstrous some people can be!

        But in the absence of a ‘humanity license’, knowledge is power, and knowing how to set boundaries to protect ourselves from abuse is so important 🙂

        Like

  2. This is fascinating–I haven’t thought about search terms. I can imagine this is a it unnerving when you see searches like this. You’ve done a fantastic job on the answers–you should do it more often — I see much education happening from this post! ❤

    Like

    • Aw, thanks Mandy. I had to get the answers out for the sake of my blood pressure 😉

      It really *is* an interesting exercise though, and I’d love it if you ever felt like sharing your search terms. I’m sure you will have some spine chilling ones too. x

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Seriously disturbing! you inspired me to go and find out what mine are and the overwhelming one was various searches of “why is the Narcissist so angry” closely followed by “peter pan Narcissist” other ones were heartbreaking in their simplicity, the same searches i made directly after discard. Thankfully my searches led me here and from here i learned about No contact and other ways of guarding myself from further harm.

    Like

    • Hi Magpie, I’m so glad you looked. It really gives you an insight into what people are looking for from your blog, doesn’t it? Totally agree that No Contact is important – it was without doubt the single most important thing that I did to keep myself safe after getting away from my abusive ex.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Learn to get into an abusers head is possibly the worst advice ever. Why? You end up disordered, end of story. Scary post but a good one!

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  5. I’ve seen some interesting search terms that have lead people to PsychopathResistance.wordpress.com. One of my favorites was: “do psychopaths steal underwear from houses”

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  6. It’s scary to know people will search for ways to manipulate another person but for a different outlook not everyone that types these search words is an abuser. Few years ago I didn’t know what narcissism was. Didn’t know what gaslighting was. I didn’t realize what was being done to me. Being conditioned by a narcissistic spouse can be done very slowly over tbe course of many years until one day you realize you don’t even know who you are anymore. You can’t talk to anyone. Your isolated and losing your mind because how can you explain what is going on when you can’t understand yourself what is being done to you. I remember the first time I turned to Internet for answers. I searched “Why, Why, Why, Why my wife doesn’t love me?!” I was introduced to Narcissism. I searched “How to emotionally manipulate my spouse ” I found Nothing to help a man as everything was for helping women from their Narcissistic husband’s. Yet I read everything and I realized I was in same boat as these women. I was not in denial I only believed I carried enough love to save our marriage and family. I remember my now ex-wife’s words when I found out about the affair and was served divorce papers. “I couldn’t find a reason to divorce you and I needed a reason but it your fault I’m unhappy” Her excuse for cheating with another married man with children. I tried saving my marriage and forgave her affair but she veiwed me forgiving her as weakness. The best thing ever to happen was her divorcing me. In the end she tried destroying me and taking kids away but I have half custody. She expected a huge payout and got nothing but a divorce so she will always be bitter and miserable. Doing my best so our kids don’t follow in her footsteps. So they don’t believe they have entitlements based on selfish feelings, behavior on ruin of others etc..

    Like

    • So sorry that this happened to you. You make a good point that not everyone who types those search terms is actually looking for a ‘How to’ guide – possibly they are just looking for answers. So thank you for sharing.

      Like

  7. Pingback: 9 search terms to make your blood run cold | Avalanche of the soul | The Powers That Beat·

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