You are not alone.

· by · in Getting free, Inspiration. ·

Are you caught up in domestic abuse or violence? Do you feel alone, and like nobody will believe or understand you? Then know that you are not the only one, and you CAN reach out.

When we are caught up in the avalanche of abuse, we are often isolated. Our abuser works hard to break-down any support networks we have, to alienate our friends and family, and to convince us that we are crazy, stupid, and worthless.

We may feel we are not like anyone else. We deserve to be abused. We imagine that there is nobody else in the world fighting to survive the blizzard of painful words and fists. It’s not true.

One in three women will experience abuse or violence in their lifetime. You are NOT alone.
Avalanche of the Soul

All around you, there are women and men who understand what it is to tread this painful path. You may not know who they are, these survivors. Perhaps, like you, they are accomplished at hiding the truth. Perhaps, like you, they are shamed and frightened into silence. Perhaps, like you, they have strategies to cope  as best they can. But they are there.

You are not alone. You are not the only one. Reach out today.

Can you relate to feelings of isolation in the avalanche of abuse? Please share your experience in the comments.

 

Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14
https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com

 

17 responses to “You are not alone.”

  1. Hello Sister,
    This post is so important. I pray at minimum one person hears the message and reaches out. I plan on writing a petition at Change.org on Violence Against Women and Child Abuse. When I start, I will ask for input on the top issues we want our government to address/change. You will certainly be asked for input. Take care dear sister.
    Hugs 🙂
    M

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I know I felt desperately alone for the three years of my marriage to a husband with four children who became my stepchildren. I experienced ‘mobbing’ at their hands; so that not only was I ostracized by my husband but also by all other family members. He enlisted them to his ’cause’ and I was alone in their midst, living on a property out of town, with a chronic and debilitating illness. My own adult daughters were made to feel unwelcome by their step-siblings so their visits were few and far between, and my grandchildren received abuse from their step-brother, in particular. They were so distressed that their mother refused to allow them to stay with me for weekends as had been their habit all their little lives. Isolation complete. Brainwashing to follow. Wow…I am so pleased to be out of that concentration camp – but the wounds are only just beginning to heal a year after separation. So that’s my story of ‘aloneness’ in a very small nutshell. As you’ve recognized, it’s one of the most cruel and insidious tactics of an abuser. Love and light.

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    • Hi Miss Min. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Abusive people are skillful manipulators, so as I’m sure you know it’s not uncommon for them to enlist children in carrying out abuse too. It must have been extremely hurtful and lonely for you, and my heart goes out to you because as you say, the feeling of isolation is one of the most debilitating tactics they use. Which is why abusers try so hard to achieve it!

      Massive, massive respect for you in escaping this abusive man despite the wall he built around you. I’ve no doubt it took real courage and grit to get out, and I’m delighted to hear that you are beginning to heal. Your story is an inspiration 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you. You’re very kind..but I have to smile. You see, in the end, HE kicked ME out. As my youngest daughter observed, ‘Mum…nobody else has ever stood up to him. You did. He had to get rid of you.’ So I can’t take any credit for having left – only for finding my feet again
        (a slow, laborious crawl out of the mud). I like to think the universe stepped in to keep me safe.

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      • Your daughter sounds like a very clever young lady 🙂 And absolutely, the universe must have been keeping a close watch over you.

        I like your analogy of ‘crawling out of the mud’. I saw it as digging out of the avalanche. I both illustrate just how destructive domestic abuse can be, and how much work it takes to recover. But it sounds like you are well on the way in that regard my friend 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. It seems to go on forever, the abuse I mean. I was with my partner then husband for 28 years! He’s an alcoholic as well as an all round abuser. I think of him now as mentally very sick, completely out of touch with his true feelings which are suppressed which in his case resulted in a highly intellectual but incredibly twisted mind.
    When semi-conscious as opposed to completely unconscious (drunk) he was incredibly manipulative, used every tactic in the book but in a subtle, very clever way. He knew/knows how to appeal to the feminine nurturing, kindly instinct us women have and plays on it endlessly. It wasn’t a case of keeping me in, locking the door or anything like that, it was emotional manipulation to get attention, sympathy etc, and if he couldn’t get that then it was guilt tripping and accusations to stop me doing what I wanted, anything to get his way or to get away with his behavior. He coerces with the ‘if you don’t do this or that you don’t love me’ claims and makes out that if he fails it will be my fault. He also uses the children as tools to manipulate me. He had all the love and support understanding listening etc anyone could have but he never recognizes any of it, it’s never enough.
    Now we’ve been separated almost 6 years I see it more clearly, I eventually threw him out when he lost every last penny we had including my inheritance, the kids were almost grown up but in such a mes… suicidally depressed, on cocaine, emotional wrecks etc. We were living in Spain (I still am) and he went back to the UK so I had to sort them out: it’s been hell. I stayed with him because I found it impossible to let go of the idea that he has a heart with real feelings somewhere inside him….. but I realize now that won’t ever come out unless he has to look at what he does and take responsibility.
    You get into a relationship with someone have kids and think that your partner will have the same ideas you do about how it all works, then you find out they don’t and they turn into monsters and say it’s normal.
    My understanding now is that it’s up to us as women to stand up to this kind of male energy: show them what damage they do and shame them so they respect women rather than work to control them, which they do because they fear us as our ability to communicate and feel for others is far greater than most men, we are instinctive, intuitive and spiritual life givers. Whereas men feel to be men they must not feel, not to cry or be vulnerable, they must be authoritarian and to do that they must control, suppress and silence the feminine: and we have complied for eons.
    We need to open our mouths, not be afraid to speak the truth: the truth that love is essential if there is to be peace, but for these abusive males the only kind of love that will be effective is tough love. Easier said than done of course, it takes a lot of courage to speak out when you are supposedly the weaker sex and have been silenced for so long, but I do think it is up to us women to grow strong see that we do have awesome power and know that if we make it clear to these guys what is acceptable and what is not, it will not be taken from us.
    I think we need to see these men more like children who have not grown up to be responsible so are not yet real men: real loving men (and there are some) do not treat their females the way these guys do.
    I believe we need to make it our job to recruit enough people (including grown up men) so these boys can learn how to behave and become our equals. That’s my input!

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    • Such wise, wise words, janjaya. Thank you so much for sharing. I’m really sorry that you (and your kids) went through all that, and for so long – but you are clearly an intelligent, articulate lady that is passionate about creating positive change. We need more voices like yours! Massive kudos to you for getting this soul-vampire out of your life 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Amen!! We all have felt alone but we are not! I pray that more victims of abuse will realize this and reach out today!! God is raising an army to help them with our testimonies of overcoming! God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

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