I’ve reached the point in my recovery, where I’m wondering if I’ll ever be able to love again. I believe wholeheartedly in love. I want that joy again, one day. But I’ve no idea if it will ever be possible for me.
I look at the women I know – online and offline – who have been through the horror of domestic violence and have went on to forge happy, successful relationships. I look at these wonderful, shining women and have no idea how they had the courage to love again.
How on earth will I ever find it in me to do the same? Even the imagery around love scares me. Consider these terrifying phrases, only slightly tamed by cliché:
- Losing your heart
- Head over heels
- Shot by Cupid’s arrow
- Burning with love.
What’s more, the men I come across seem colourless and grey. I want someone with fire in his belly. Unfortunately, I don’t trust my choices anymore: they’ve landed me firmly in the flames and I’m determined to never be burned again.
Still, safe as it is inside my self-made cocoon, I don’t want to be in here forever. How do I break out?
Have you found it in you to open up to love again? Was it something you worked at, or did it just happen?
© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14