Reading the wonderfully thought-provoking piece, My Son would Never Rape a Woman, it occurred to me how easily we may apply the same message to other forms of violence against women. Here’s my response to that post, with all credit to Epiphany in the Cacophony for the format.
My brother would NEVER hurt a Woman
She was out with her girlfriends. Loud music pumping, she didn’t hear the 13 calls he made to her cellphone. When she at last returned his call, he definitely heard a male voice, low and deep amongst the shrieks of those whores she called friends. When she got home, he could tell she’d been drinking: he could smell it on her breath.
She said she didn’t know who the guy was. She was probably too drunk to think up a good excuse. He grabbed her by the hair and dragged her into the bathroom, where he made sure she had a sobering-cold shower.
My brother would never hurt a woman that stayed home.
She was home all day with the kids. He works hard all day, so when he came back he really didn’t need to find a sink full of unwashed dishes. He really didn’t need to hear that Junior was sick, and he really didn’t need her to pretend she was wiped out. All she has to do is look after the house and the kids, and she can’t even do that right.
He took the pan of spaghetti bolognese – which she’d obviously just thrown together because she couldn’t be bothered to prepare anything else – and dumped it on the floor, where it belonged. The next day, he refused to give her the house-keeping money.
My brother would never hurt a houseproud woman.
As she left her workplace, a colleague held open the door for her. She smiled her thanks. He cracked a joke. She laughed. He touched her arm as she moved off, hurrying to the spot where my brother waited in the car. He asked what the colleague had said that was so funny. “Some lame joke,” she said. “I was only being polite.”
He knew she’d been flirting, despite her denials. Speeding home, a side swipe caused her head to bounce off the window. There was no blood, but she quieted down anyway.
My brother would never hurt a faithful woman.
She was nagging him, as she usually did. She used to be fun to be around. These days she just bitched at him. So what if he didn’t come home last night? He came back in the end, didn’t he? He was done listening to her endless complaints – and especially those about him drinking too much. He was in charge around here.
He used his fists to shut her up. It wasn’t her place to tell him what to do. It wasn’t her place to criticise his decisions.
My brother would never hurt a woman that knew her place.
Too many people believe that only certain kinds of men abuse particular types of women. Too many indulge in implicit victim-blaming. Too many believe that abuse is only abuse if we have the physical wounds to prove it.
Yet domestic violence is a global epidemic, affecting millions of women worldwide. The misconceptions around domestic violence and abuse fuel stifling stigma that prevents those that need help, from reaching out.
What are the myths you’ve encountered about abuse, and who is capable of domestic violence?
© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14