Do you feel exhausted and inadequate? Do you invest your time trying to resolve your abuser’s problems, and neglect your own needs? You may have Fix It Burden syndrome.
Anyone with the misfortune to be saddled with an abusive partner, also shoulders the ‘Fix It Burden’ (FIB). Propagated by lies, this debilitating syndrome requires emergency treatment to avoid rapid deterioration in your health and wellbeing.
Causes and Transmission
FIB is caused by specific contact with a determined carrier, who does not themselves suffer the effects of the syndrome – but has a vested interest in its transmission.
It is not highly contagious, and so carriers must work hard to transmit FIB to another. FIBbers condition their targets through a series of techniques, which are all based on manipulative lies. These include undermining the self esteem of their target and emotional blackmail, as well as isolating and gaslighting the subject.
Due to the intensive nature of the FIBbing process, the syndrome is most often passed to those to whom carriers enjoy a close relationship – typically intimate partners, or even children.
Suffers of FIB may experience a range of symptoms, which are often hard to spot. Signs include:
1) Your partner tells you that he only abuses you when he is stressed / drunk / bored. As it is likely your fault that he is experiencing any of these miseries, it’s your job to fix it. Try stopping your nagging, getting him some more money or just generally being more dedicated to his needs. Oh, and a bit more or less sex would also help matters enormously.
2) You don’t go out with your friends anymore, because they are sluts that are sure to be out on the manhunt (or so you’ve been told – repeatedly). This fixes his jealousy issues and that green-eyed hulk never appears again. No? Oh.
3) You routinely attempt to justify your abuser’s (unjustifiable) behaviour. Of course, he is not an abuser at heart. He only acts so horrendously because he had a terrible childhood, a psychotic ex wife, or a demanding job. You believe you can fix this with lashings of understanding and compassion.
4) You struggle to cope as you are dragged from one crisis to the next. Carriers typically choose to drink too much, or take drugs, leaving you to deal with the aftermath as cash is thrown into a bottomless pit and he generates problem after problem. You try to fix this too – maybe you give up drinking in an attempt to motivate him to bin the booze, or cautiously suggest drugs counselling. Unfortunately, he never seems to get around to reigning-in his vices.
5) Your time, energy, money and life in general are focussed primarily on meeting his needs and sorting out his never-ending problems. There’s little left for you, but you wear that Fix It hat so routinely it seems impossible to take it off.
Prognosis and Treatment
Once caught, FIB is extremely hard to shake off. Chronic in nature, the syndrome continuously weakens the sufferer – rendering them increasingly vulnerable to abuse as resources and energy are leeched away.
Strict quarantine is the only known cure for FIB. Cut yourself off from the big lies and small fibs, today. Shove your carrier into a box marked Poison, with haste. You will recover, I promise.
Are you being FIBbed? Or, have you shaken off your FIBber? Share your symptoms, as well as tried-and-tested cures in the comments!
ALSO SEE: Find out about my crash course in narcissism, in Vanquishing the Über Narcissist
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