7 New Year’s resolutions I won’t break

As the new year looms large, I’m setting goals for an abuse-free future. Yes, I know that resolutions are made to be broken – but not mine, not this year (fingers crossed!)

“If you asked me for my New Year Resolution, it would be to find out who I am.” Cyril Cusack

postit_NewYearAt this time of year, everyone is thinking of the year ahead. For me, there are still hurdles to jump over. But, this is the first time in what feels like forever, that I’ve been free to set my own goals. Usually, I don’t even bother. There wasn’t much point when my life was controlled by a significant other with his own, destructive agenda.

This year is different. This year, I get to re-discover myself. So, in 2014, I will…

  1. Carry on putting my child first. Without my baby, I’d likely still be in a soul-sapping abusive relationship. My child saved me. I’m going to keep focussed on what really matters.
  2. Have more fun. After living with an abuser for years, I forgot what it feels like to just let my hair down and enjoy myself. I feel like I’ve earned it.
  3. Get through the trial. The countdown to the court face-off is on. I’m nervous, but not terrified. I know it’ll be worth it if it keeps my child and I safe.
  4. Keep plugging away with No Contact. It began as the hardest thing I’ve ever done (and I’ve jumped off a mountain!) but, guess what? It’s getting easier. Cutting the line to Manipulation Central is one of the best tools I have in my fight to keep abuse-free.
  5. Help people. I found loads of time for my voluntary work, before the energy vampires leeched my energy and precious hours. In 2014, I’m going to do more than ever before to help vulnerable people.
  6. Get back in shape. My abuser liked me to have curves, apparently. But now I’m on the outside, I’m wondering if what he really wanted was extra padding to keep away potential rivals!
  7. Work on Avalanche. My blog has been one of the most positive actions I’ve taken as part of the recovery process. It has helped keep me focussed on the enormous task of putting myself back together. I plan to keep it up!

So, there’s my resolutions! Will you be making any? If so, what will they be?

© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14

7 responses to “7 New Year’s resolutions I won’t break

  1. Unfortunately I am just beginning my journey leaving my controlling husband. I am leaving him after 42 years of marriage (a long story- it is explained in my blog). I have an appointment with a lawyer next week to arrange for a legal separation . He is in total denial and I am afraid of his response after I tell him. I moved out of our bedroom a few months ago but he is still denying everything saying he is getting better with therapy. I am really afraid of his reaction when he gets the papers from the lawyer. There are no resolutions for me just praying for peace and freedom.


  2. Hi. Sure, he won’t want you to go – but your leaving is the consequence of HIS behaviour. He can refuse to accept responsibility, he can deny that it is happening – but it is. Good for you! You have a right to be free, safe, and happy. You will get there!

    Is there anywhere else you can live until the legal aspects of the divorce are sorted out? I always advise people preparing to leave an abusive partner not to tell them in advance. Much safer to leave covertly, and inform him once you are in a safe place. However, I realise that you may not be able to move out of the marital home – if so, may I suggest you think about (if you haven’t already done so) involving the police? In the UK, the police can help partners of abusers to have the perpetrator legally removed from the family home.

    More about a safe exit plan here: https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com/2013/12/21/twelve-days-of-christmas-with-avalanche-5/

    Keep safe. Please let us know how you get on.


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