Dear Chris Brown,
I have a confession: I couldn’t be less interested in the celeb world. It’s often vacuous, always dull, and rarely useful. (A bit like you, in fact). But, on one important issue, celebdom comes into its own – shedding a light on the uncomfortable topic of domestic abuse.
Societal mores and misconceptions tell us that perpetrators of domestic abuse are invariably uneducated, low class, poor, and probably with sufficient socio-economic problems to keep researchers in employment forever more.
However, in this media-obsessed world, you have highlighted that switched-on, driven, and powerful individuals can also be successful abusers. Well done!
Chris Brown, back in 2009, you made the headlines by beating your girlfriend, Rhianna. In the four years since, you’ve managed to grab more column inches with your searingly insincere soul-searching, reuniting and breaking-up again with your girl, and then – a particular hallmark of a reformed abuser – getting arrested for allegedly breaking a man’s nose. With bated breath, the world awaited the next installment of your titilating story – and you duly complied: Chris Brown admits he has an anger problem! He’s checking into rehab!
You tell the world what a sexual “beast” you are, and, of course, you’ve slept with a lot of women – all of whom “won’t have complaints if they’ve been with me”. Chris Brown – please pay attention here – bragging about your sexual prowess doesn’t make you cool and attractive. It’s a warning sign of psychopathy.
Yes, Chris Brown, you’re no Mr Darcy. That Rhianna has returned to you is another telltale sign that something much more systematic is at work here. You haven’t lashed out at her just once in an otherwise gentlemanly relationship. Her yo-yo attitude and seemingly endless self-definition in terms of your relationship to you shows she’s unable even to emotionally let you go, – that’s classic trauma bonding right there. That bond didn’t grow from a single assault – it emerged when she began to see you as essential to her own survival.
Thank God, it looks like she’s got away from you now. But, don’t worry: Your new girlfriend, Karrueche Tran, seems like a smart lady. It’s easy to see why she loves you – as a narcissist you are a master at charming the socks off the ladies. You exude confidence, offer protection, and likely reassure Ms Tran that your anger will never be directed at her, the love of your life, your saviour. Sadly, as the two of you get closer, the risk to her will increase. She will mean more to you. You both will have invested more in the relationship. And, you’ll find it becomes important to control her – either with physical or emotional abuse.
Chris Brown accessorises his sensitive side with a cute puppy
Chris Brown – you want us to think you are owning your behaviour and are trying to change. But, you’re not – because you don’t have an anger problem. You are an abuser – and abusers ARE NOT angry:
the Bully is not angry. He is cool, calm and collected and completely in control of his emotions. (Pat Craven, ‘Living with the Dominator’)
If you are serious about positive change, you don’t need an anger management course: you need a perpetrator programme.
Whether or not you want to acknowledge it, you are, in fact, an archetype of abuse. We can all learn from you – mostly, how to avoid people such as you like the plague. For that, I thank you.
© Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14 https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com