Does your partner…
- React with anger or humilitation when criticised?
- Have an exaggerated sense of his own importance?
- Use other people to achieve what he wants?
- Over-egg the pudding or lie about his achievements and talents?
- Have highly unrealistic expectations and fantasies – ie. of fame, power, or success?
- Expect favourable treatment from everyone around him?
- Easily get jealous?
- Require continual attention and positive reinforcement from you and others?
- Appear to lack empathy and regard for the feelings of other people?
- Come across as cocky, arrogant, and manipulative?
- Come across as obsessively self interested?
- Have goals that are pretty much all selfish?
Interestingly – and certainly this has been my experience – most narcissists are good-looking and charming, according to Psychology Today.
- Continually make excuses for your partner’s unacceptable behavior?
- Find you are always blamed by your partner – everything is your fault!
- Feel humiliated by him, or embarrassed by his behavior in public?
- Put your own needs and values to one side?
- Wonder how you ended up in this position in the first place?
- Feel that you are not as important as him?
- Worry that he is going to leave you, and try everything you can to keep him?
- Do things that make you uncomfortable, to try to make him happy?
- Think that you often appear to be ‘the crazy’ or unreasonable one in the relationship?
- Know that your partner has lied to you, time and time again?
- Put his needs and desires first, over and over – without yours ever even being acknowledged?
- No longer know who you are?
- Wish you knew how to get out of the relationship, but don’t know where to start?
- Feel you are living a lie?
- Never do anything without his approval?
- Never make a decision on your own, or feel anxious about how he will react when you do?
- Dismiss it when friends or family say that you are being abused?
- Feel numb, depressed, or exhausted?
Then chances are, you’re living with a narcissist. And, guess what? It doesn’t get better. Anger management courses won’t help. Counselling won’t help. Nor will couples therapy.
Narcissists rarely change – mostly because they cannot ever accept that they have a problem. The only answer – and this is hard – is for you to leave. I strongly advise you to walk, run, or jump on the first boat out of that relationship.
You are not experiencing love. You may reflect on the sweet things he says (between the bad times). Please don’t let him continue to fool you – check out how he behaves to you, not what he says to keep you hooked. As Oprah says, ‘When people show you who they are, believe them.’
The narcissist sees you only in terms of what you can do for him. You are, in fact, just his narcissistic supply. You need to cut him off – now.
If you don’t, prepare to suffer more abuse and misery until he has bled you dry and then leaves you high and dry.
Text © Avalanche of the Soul, 2013-14 https://avalancheofthesoul.wordpress.com